Wednesday, January 27, 2016

Update on Madi




Oh how thankful I have been
To know you were and are praying for Madi

Madi is home after 11 days in patient

She is exhausted, which is understandable
She is now on several medications
Which she has never been on before
So, that will take some getting used to

At the moment the diagnosis is:
Severe depression with psychotic features
Honestly, I'm not positive what that means
But the medication seems to be helping
And I'm Thankful

We have a list of appointments to go to
Over the next couple of weeks
But at this point
Her attitude is much better
With smiles and a sparkle in her eyes

Thank you for your prayers
May they continue as we settle in
For the next phase of treatment

You are my Hero's
And I won't forget your support

Blessings


Monday, January 11, 2016

Contemplation



CONTEMPLATION
The act of thinking deeply about something


This is one of my favorite photos
Of Matthew from about 4 years ago

We had just gone up north to
The Tonto National Forrest
And walked along the natural bridge
It had only been 10 months since Mark's passing

It was a healing and good day
When we got home
I took a few photos of him with my new camera
I was just playing around at the kitchen counter
He was so contemplative
I know what we had been talking about
And where his mind was

But now
I wonder about all he has held
Tightly in his thoughts for so many years


It's been a challenge
These days since September 21, 2015
Confusion seems to be my constant companion

Contemplation is where I am stuck
Thinking about life
How we arrived at this place
At this time
On this journey

I have yet to cry
A new friend suggested today
That I may still just be angry
I've yet to really feel the impact of Madi's choices
Maybe she is correct

Held tightly within me
A churning volcano ready to erupt
Deep within the bowels of my broken heart
 Steam just beginning to rise to the surface
Yes, anger is real

How do I navigate all that has been placed before me
How do I reconcile my reality and hers

To these questions
I have no answers

Yet, I will write this:
From this point forward
In an attempt to honor Madi's choices
Matthew will be known as Madi
And I will 'attempt' to use female pronouns when referring to her

For this I beg God's Grace
And your Prayers