Update on Madi

Oh how thankful I have been

To know you were and are praying for Madi

Madi is home after 11 days in patient

She is exhausted, which is understandable

She is now on several medications

Which she has never been on before

So, that will take some getting used to

At the moment the diagnosis is:

Severe depression with psychotic features

Honestly, I'm not positive what that means

But the medication seems to be helping

And I'm Thankful

We have a list of appointments to go to

Over the next couple of weeks

But at this point

Her attitude is much better

With smiles and a sparkle in her eyes

Thank you for your prayers

May they continue as we settle in

For the next phase of treatment

You are my Hero's

And I won't forget your support

Blessings

Contemplation

CONTEMPLATION

The act of thinking deeply about something

This is one of my favorite photos

Of Matthew from about 4 years ago

We had just gone up north to

The Tonto National Forrest

And walked along the natural bridge

It had only been 10 months since Mark's passing

It was a healing and good day

When we got home

I took a few photos of him with my new camera

I was just playing around at the kitchen counter

He was so contemplative

I know what we had been talking about

And where his mind was

But now

I wonder about all he has held

Tightly in his thoughts for so many years

It's been a challenge

These days since September 21, 2015

Confusion seems to be my constant companion

Contemplation is where I am stuck

Thinking about life

How we arrived at this place

At this time

On this journey

I have yet to cry

A new friend suggested today

That I may still just be angry

I've yet to really feel the impact of Madi's choices

Maybe she is correct

Held tightly within me

A churning volcano ready to erupt

Deep within the bowels of my broken heart

 Steam just beginning to rise to the surface

Yes, anger is real

How do I navigate all that has been placed before me

How do I reconcile my reality and hers

To these questions

I have no answers

Yet, I will write this:

From this point forward

In an attempt to honor Madi's choices

Matthew will be known as Madi

And I will 'attempt' to use female pronouns when referring to her

For this I beg God's Grace

And your Prayers