Friday, November 20, 2015

Adoption and God's Love




But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us.

Romans 5:8 (NASB)

It is not without apprehension that I begin this new blog. 

It's writings will be raw and leave me vulnerable to criticism and questioning. 

Yet, my heart is filled with it's own questions, seeking answers that may never come.

Therefore, tonight I begin with a bit of background, a peek into God's love and a story that began on the side of a landfill in the spring of 1985.

For it was there, sitting in a truck, watching my sweet husband throw our week's worth of garbage into the landfill like any other Saturday morning. It was also there, that I prayed for her unborn child for the first time. Her life was messy, filled with alcohol, shame and sin. She watched her husband dig through the garbage looking for any scrap of goodness he could find to take home and use or, quite frankly, eat. Their lives were so much different then ours. We had a nice, lovely and warm home in a beautiful setting, they lived in a shack on the side of a stream without electricity or indoor plumbing. My prayer; Lord, what will ever happen to that poor child she carries? Lord, how will that child survive and what kind of life would it have? My heart ached for the family, but what could I do? You cannot interfere with the choices people make.

As I picked up the phone on a cold November morning, my thoughts were far from that spring morning several months previously. Yet, her words awoke in me a memory, a prayer, a moment! She asked if we would be willing to 'take' a little boy and be his foster parents for a season. He was tiny, sickly, his prognosis was fragile, but they needed a place, a home, for a period of time, until they could make some decisions or until he passed. 

In the days ahead, little JM came to live in our home. Yes, it was the baby of the couple, that I prayed for, at the landfill. Their lives had fallen apart. Alcohol, homelessness, jail, and legal issues had brought us to this day, the day he came to live with us. 

Over the next two years, little JM grew, learned, progressed, had numerous health issues, surprised us all, and after many legal battles, became ours forever.  On his 2 1/2 year birthday little JM, became MJC.

Through adoption and the love God had for a woman whose greatest desire was to have children, Matthew joined our family permanently and changed us forever and for the better. Adoption has always been special to me, even as a young girl. I couldn't explain why but I felt drawn to that word and the hope it offered.

Our Matthew has blessed our lives with Joy and laughter, he's far surpassed any of the expectations that were given for him. He lived and thrived and loved and fought. He's strong and independent and compassionate and determined!

I've never had children of birth, my own, so I can't say with certainty what that would be like, however I cannot imagine that I would love them any more or any differently than I love the two boys God has blessed me with through adoption. God's love for us, is the same. He chose us, adopted us into His loving arms and family. I can't imagine that He loves us any differently than Jesus! We are His!

And, although we were not and are not perfect, God, in His love, allowed Jesus to hang on a cross for our sin. Not once we became worthy or perfect, but while we were yet sinners, with messy lives and ugly stuff. I only understand that Love because of God and His Grace. 

In closing tonight, I say this!

Because God chose to love me and accept me and send Jesus to die for me while I was still a sinner, I am choosing to love and accept my Matthew while he is making choices that are breaking my heart. Choices that I do not understand or accept, and honestly, I may never understand or accept. But, I choose to love him and walk beside him, because that is what God has done for me. How can I do any less?

"For God So Loved The World, That He Gave JESUS"

21 comments:

  1. Honored to "walk" along side you in this dear sister.

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  2. I think sharing your story is going to be a blessing to so many!
    warmly,
    deb

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  3. I know how difficult times have been for you and it lightens my heart that you keep God and faith in your life despite troubles. Losing my son to drugs and alcohol ( he was adopted and was a drug baby) has been difficult but I pray for him though do not have a relationship with him. He chose to travel a dangerous path, chose to cut ties with me, and became dangerous due to the drugs influencing him. I do not know where he is or even if he is alive but pray for him. It is not easy, but God hugs me when I need his love.

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  4. Your story is beautiful and has brought tears to my eyes*

    deezie

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    1. Thank you Deezie, for your kind words and visit! Cindy

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  5. Dear Cindy ~ Your sharing this time in your life is going to be a blessing and a light of Jesus' love for us to others.

    May God's love, peace and strength continue to fill your life as you walk this next part of your journey.

    Love, hugs & prayers ~ FlowerLady

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  6. My heart aches for you. As mothers we wish we could wave a magic wand and make our kids well and whole (mentally and physically). It is one of the biggest griefs of our lives when we just can't do that.
    Blessings- we will walk this path with you and pray for you AND your son. He has not come this far for no reason...and I pray that God will "heal" him on all levels...whatever that level is for him...that your son will have peace and rest for his soul. (and that you have the same). xo Diana

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  7. Cindy,
    Your faith will get you through even on the heaviest days. God sent your son to you knowing you would love him and protect him. Keep praying my friend that God will guide both of you. Love you girlfriend and am praying for both of you.
    Hugs,
    Kris

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  8. Thank you for being so transparent and sharing the background story. I pray that your son will come to his senses and return to the path you trained him to travel. I know that he is in God's hands and you have your trust in Him.

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  9. I too thank you for your transparency and being so vulnerable. Praying for you today.
    Noreen

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  10. Cindy, I hurt with you. I think some times I feel like raving and ranting...but then I want to be the woman God wants me to be...so I try not to judge. It's so hard when it's things we just can't seem to understand fully. but like you are saying how could we do less for others than God would do for us. Hugs to you dear friend, xoxo,Susie

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  11. Dear Cindy, your beautiful post is so heartfelt and touched my heart. Your son is very blessed to have you in his life as much as he in yours. God will show you the way and help you understand as the journey continues. Some things in life we just don't have control over and acceptance is all we can do to feel peace. It's certainly not easy, but helps lessen the burden of worry and woe over life changing things we will never understand. God knows all which will unfold and your faith will see you through all the times ahead. Remember to "Let Go and Let God"
    My prayers continue for you my friend and I send love with BIG Texas hugs your way.
    Blessings on this new blog. Love it! xo

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  12. Dearest Cindy, there are tears in my eyes as I type this comment....your post so greatly touched my heart. What a peace we can have knowing God is in control and we can rest in Him....sometimes that is easier said than done {{smiles}}

    You have so inspired me with your words and the love you have poured onto others - thank you. This will be such a beautiful blog, my dear, and I know it will bless many.

    Love and hugs! Stephanie - The Enchanting Rose

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  13. Cindy, there is so much wisdom expressed in your closing words. Wisdom that can only come from the Holy Spirit. You have chosen to love even though you don't understand or accept your child's choices. You're leaving it at Jesus' feet where it belongs and must rest, and going forward in faith and trust. God is with you. My prayers and friendship are yours. Much love to you ~ Nancy

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  14. God brought you to that landfill for such a time as this, Cindy. Matthew needs a mom that will love him unconditionally...just as God loves His children. We hate the sin, yet love the sinner....hopefully people will do the same toward us. We don't always accept another's choices....thank God for grace and mercy, we ALL fall short of the Glory...everyday. So many issues to consider and sort out. May the Holy Spirit wash His peace that transcends all understanding over you both. You are a brave, and remarkable woman, Cindy.
    Much love.
    Debbie
    xo

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  15. I'm so glad you are sharing what is one of your life's challenges as a parent. I know it is a challenge you readily accept, because of your love for Matthew and your love of Jesus. Raising and loving our children is both a challenge of love and often despair that weighs heavily on our hearts, and we can all relate on some level. I strongly believe that God placed that baby boy in your loving arms, because he knew you were filled with love and strong enough to handle all the challenges that this precious baby would have, both as an infant and eventually as an adulthood.

    I pray for you and Matthew every day, Cindy, and know that God will guide you through this.

    I hope you will have a lovely and very thankful Thanksgiving with all of your family.

    Hugs,
    Carol

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  16. Yes. Cindy. WHAT ELSE could you do? We know who holds your future. Susan

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  17. Now, it is even more clear to me why God gave Matthew/Madi to you! I loved reading your story and I look forward to supporting you and hearing more about your journey with Madi on your new blog. I know, only too well, how difficult this all is. You are strong and wise and loving and Madi is very lucky you were chosen to be her mother. <3

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  18. Hi there. I am fnally trying to get back to blogging.
    I can so relate to what may be going on.
    Not that other years were easy, but this past year was one of the hardest with our adopted son. He doesn't make good decisions and he is very vulnerable to people that take advantage of him. We spent the first half of the year with him moving in and out of his apartment. Being set up for of all things his SSI money. Plus the people saying terrible things about us n order to turn him away.
    But through the grace of God he is somewhat stable now. He has met a girl. She is diabled as.well and has a son that has autism. She can drive and does well with her son. She definetly is a good influence for him. I am hoping and praying he stays in this.relationship. Neither make good decisions. Or do they manage money well.
    I don't know what is going on. Our lives were planned for us when we became parents of these boys. It's just so hard sometimes. Hugs. Feel free to contact me f you want to.

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  19. I want to encourage you, now that the holidays are over, to write on this blog, Cindy. Here is where you can start documenting this difficult journey by telling your story and getting your feelings out and, like me, I believe and hope it will lead you to finding some of the answers you need to survive this journey gracefully and peacefully. You know some of my story and I am telling you, I never thought I would be as at peace as I have come to be. It is a hard road, but it is not the hardest road or an impossible road to travel - for Madi and with Madi. I'm here if you need me. Love, Kellan

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  20. I want to encourage you, now that the holidays are over, to write on this blog, Cindy. Here is where you can start documenting this difficult journey by telling your story and getting your feelings out and, like me, I believe and hope it will lead you to finding some of the answers you need to survive this journey gracefully and peacefully. You know some of my story and I am telling you, I never thought I would be as at peace as I have come to be. It is a hard road, but it is not the hardest road or an impossible road to travel - for Madi and with Madi. I'm here if you need me. Love, Kellan

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